Memoir

It was a cold January night, I was in my room with my sister. Covered up with blankets, listening to the very loud screams. My room was medium sized, but it was filled with things. Two twin beds, a dresser, a night stand, and a chest. I couldn’t sleep because of them. Why? Why is this happening to me? I thought.

                “Get out, get out, leave now!” my mother yelled.

                “I’m getting something.” my father said.

                “I dont care, dont get anything just go!” she kept yelling.

          We heard them coming towards our room, so we quickly covered our faces. We didn’t know who came in, we didn’t even want to peek. I felt someone heavy sit on my bed and I instantly knew it was my father. He was husky, he had a little hair on his head, he had a mustache, his complexion was a caramel color, my father was very handsome. As I looked up at him I saw that his eyes were glistening. He looked as if he wanted to cry, but he wasn’t because he wanted to stay strong for us. He’s strong, very strong. Not like me.. thoughts were just running threw my head. 14 years together and they’re just giving up. I just couldn’t believe it.

               “I’ll come get you every chance I get.” he said.

        But I couldn’t hold it in any longer, i started to cry uncontrollably. In my long sleeved pajamas, messy hair, red eyes and stuffy nose I was very cold. So I hugged my father and sister, then we suddenly heard my younger brother start to cry. He’s not going to understand!  I thought. My father got up to go check on him and there was my mother to yell at him. My mother on the other hand was very, very light skinned, almost white. Her hair was down to her back, and her body didn’t look like she had 3 kids.

              “Don’t even touch my son!” she screamed.

              “He’s my son too, and I can what I want!” he shot back.

              “I don’t care, I told you to get out!”

         Right then and there I got angrier at them for arguing in front of us. I was only 7 years old, my sister was 8, and my brother was 5. My dad didn’t care he got up and went to my little brother. He kissed him on the cheek and carried him into our room. My father sat on the bed and just looked at us. What is he thinking? Is he going to tell us something?

            “What?” said my sister.

            “I want to take you with me.” he replied.Then suddenly my mom came storming in to  the room. She was ease-droping, she had to be. She started to yell again.

           “You can’t even take care of yourself and you want to take them?”

           “Since when? Since when couldn’t I provide for my kids?”

          “You’re always out and never want to give them your time, its not always about the money!” my mother just kept on going. In a way I was on her side because he was always out and never had time. She was right, although my mother looked like a crazy lady, she had on a dressy shirt, pajama pants a messy bun and she was not crying. She only wants the best for us, but why is she doing it this way?

          “MOM!” my sister yelled. I couldn’t believe she had the courage to speak to my mother that way we respected our parents so much, and we were raised that way.

           “Stop talking to him that way!” she yelled again.

           “Oh really, so you’re on his side about it?” Sides? Sides. Sides! We were taking sides. We were so young taking sides, mommy’s girl, daddy’s girl. In my mind I didn’t want my father to leave but that was what was best for us. So he could see what was really going on. 10 minutes later, my father kissed us goodnight, tucked us in and was on his way. I didn’t cry again. And threw out the whole time the saying in my mind was “Be strong at all times, and when times are bad be even stronger!”

“Ode to Sports”

My step father introduces me to sports

It’s helped with my journey so far

The best thing to do now is play sports

It’s kept me out the streets,

forced me to work hard and

express my feelings.

It’s made me learn things.

Everyday there are new things I learn

from the sports I play.

It’s not only to play it.

It’s for goals, hard work, and dedication.

Sports are like my role model:

They make me do good things in life.

Sports help me choose my path.

They keep me on the right path. 

“In One Year”

In one year we’ve cried more tears
Than a baby during the year
Losing two people, wait make that four
Just isn’t a life you expect
In three months time my days have combined
My family subsided to a time of not reaching
Yet my mind swells with the words of judgment
My family is my,  life they are my guide
And yet they don’t confide with each other
Another just lock there hearts with a
Trap door and yet our hearts are filled with joy
I wonder at times where the joy has gone
If it’s still around or gone for good
Some have disappeared for many years
And reappear during times of tears
I know I’m not perfect and still a kid
But it’s a shame to see and hear these things
Pain will stay along with love but other things need to go
In the end all we’ve got is each other and a path to weather

“Untold Stories”

 

We built our nation to create unity,

A place where freedom is granted for you and me,

But as the world keeps turning,

And as the days grow old,

Our generation starts learning,

That the world can be cold.

 

We go every day with our insecurities being exposed,

Being “different” is frown upon and can’t be disclosed,

Even though ‘love is love’  they find it to be strange,

That two of the same can’t be one and that it must change.

We yearn for acceptance because it’s all we ever see,

It’s like “they’re so weird because they’re not like me”

And even though we do our best to try to prevent an unfixable mess,

the damage has been done like a rumor in the press.

 

Kids live everyday with disguised smiles,

With weary hearts like they’ve walked for ten miles,

People say “change will come” but they’ve been saying that for ages,

Watch the kids eyes that reveal their struggling stages,

And no matter how hard they want to confide in a ear, 

Our conscious takes over and releases our fear.

 

The pressure to fit in is like a brick wall on your back,

The more you struggle the more you crack,

Some are professionals at hiding what they feel,

Because the passing judgment makes it all the more real

And just as they see a trusting hand to try and fix what’s broken,

they pull back and walk away and miss their only token.

 

And the more they stay silent,

the more they begin to break,

A few words that seem unviolent

Are the words that begin to take,

Every joy and every reason,

For another day for to see,

Every month and every season,

But what they want is to be free.

 

So they feel a certain way, that makes them believe,

That the world would be a better place if they got up to leave,

And they wait and they wait for a reason to stay,

But their conscious drowns their patience and they slowly slip away.

 

We built our nation to create unity,

A place where freedom is granted for you and me,

But as the world keeps turning,

And as the days grow old,

Our generation starts learning,

About the stories that were untold.

“Love/Hate”

 Philly gives me life

Philly gives me love

 

Philly gives you hate

Philly gives you drugs

 

Philly gives me air

Philly gives me hugs

 

Philly gives you fear

Philly gives you thug

 

Philly gives me company

Philly gives me something to wear

 

Philly gives you felonies

Philly tells you to beware

 

Philly gives me riches

Philly gives me wishes

 

Philly gives you hail

Philly gives you ditches

 

Philly gives me love

Philly gives you hate


 

“I’ve Seen A Lot”

I’ve seen a lot …

I’ve seen dreams get shattered

Like a bullet through glass

and no one there to pick up the pieces.

I’ve seen cops rush down streets

I’ve seen cops try to take family off the streets

I’ve seen triggers get pulled

And bodies being traced

I’ve seen fights

I’ve seen cops disrespect people’s right

I’ve seen the cell door

As black as night

        I’ve seen a lot

I’ve seen people scream and cry

I’ve seen the blood on the street dry

I’ve seen people forgotten

Like yesterdays t.v. show

         I’ve seen too much